Thursday, 22 August 2013

Rants are all I have, Let's Figure.

Childhood! You had one, no? When you'd wake up in the mornings and be forced through different procedures so you'd be presentable for school, then you'd be rushed to the bus or dropped to the school, while you'd be overflowing with energy. You'd jump out of your vehicle and run(mostly) to your class where you meet your friends, already doing something that you'd rush to join in. Teachers were scary yet you wanted to appease them, their tongues like canes, striking you with only truths. Did you ever think to defy them, then? No, you were unformed shapes, you just wanted to collect the new tazo, or wait till you see the next episode of Pok'emon. In that rush of being unformed and ignorant your head had simple yes/no answers, simple like/ don't like attitude and you were just so happy that even if you could you wouldn't have given two shits for what you were being told.
You accepted life as you started observing it, fitting in was easy when you were a child, you didn't judge so much, yourself or others.
If you're in that old feeling now, or can relate somewhat, try to remember your mentality, for a second. Everyday the blackboard of your mind would feel quite blank, and the new things that got written on them, they'd be absorbed like as if on gel. Be that for a second and think about your life. How you've changed? Are you very different?
I recently sat back and tried to figure out the bends my life took so I could become what I have become. It's not an interesting thing to do for someone else, but if you sit and do it for yourself, you'd be clearer about things. I didn't know until recently that the reason why I am usually involved in an intracommunication is because I spent about 5 years alone for 6 hours everyday. I figured out why I have abandonment issues, and why I cannot easily forgive.
When you stand at the peak of the mountain that is your life as a whole, and you stare down the rocks and glaciers, some rivers flowing, you realize that what you are, really, is what your mind was when you were a child, GEL. Your personality, mentality, beliefs, all are Gels that dissolve around the edges and form themselves into a newer shape everytime you make a memory. You are like burning wax, so versatile it isn't even funny. You might argue that you haven't changed, but that will be a lie, a stubborn lie. You don't do the same things anymore, you don't like the same people, you don't think the same thoughts, you don't like to dress the way you once did, how are you like you were a few years back. You change everyday, and when you figure out the reasons behind them, as a whole and see yourself as a book with unread chapters, you really can't help but love yourself, maybe for a second let that suppressed narcissism out and gloat.
Now, if you were with me all through this write up, just think(last one) of yourself as a painting of wet colors that shifts and changes, alright?
But who's the painter? The situations you had to face, or liked while they were happening, everything that happened in your life. Comprende?
I can only call That Destiny, it started at your birth, and maybe like your soul it stays with you until you die, your own biographer, maybe it is.