Tuesday, 23 July 2013

Can I be -nokiddingforreal- the only one?

It's still learning to start, this phase that I hope would shape the basic structure of the type of person I'm supposed to be.
I feel I'm too intrigued by the workings of the Universe, not just the physical part anymore, but a deeper and more whole, where every aspect of everything finally connects, which is spiritual with it's net interwoven over the physical, the mental and that what we can't imagine. There I lay, sometimes hours at end, at night lost in myself, after the answer of the question that I cannot comprehend, but I stumble on and off revelations that make me believe there is no God, it's just Us, which includes everything that exists, from ants to big-ass planets and supernovas and what not. All there is energy, that's what we're made of when it shrinks to a physical form, energy that passes through the barrier between mental and the physical, between the further layers of spirituality and finally exists as itself, like a big organism.

And death, it is so real and inevitable, the ultimate rule of our universe, what exists in one form, must turn to another one day and pass on the energy it borrowed. Because all we ever do, we borrow, we survive together in this Life, by borrowing energy, nothing we own is ever ours, not even our bodies.
Geeta says we change our bodies like we change our clothes, and in a similar way we borrow the metaphorical clothes that are different phases of our lives, and we discard them as we grow up, nothing is ever permanently owned.
In physics terms, when mass is destroyed energy is created, that makes mass another form of energy, and if our body is infact just energy, then it is borrowed too, I assume because of the symmetry of everything in nature. After we die, are we born again or do we go on? This I cannot fathom in this life, I fear. (irony?)
But I want to put stock in Going On, because that would make more sense. Having different levels of Life, where when we discard our earthly bodies, we do not merely stop existing but reach a level closer to the centre of the Universe, where I imagine a big ball of light, like the nucleus of a cell, and it is connected to all the levels of Life by the string of time.
All we can hope to do is clasp the string and travel up up and further up, life after life, in different unimaginable forms until we finally know, we finally know for sure.